


All of You

by jl_micasea



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: All Rights Reserved, Body Image, Body Worship, Breeding, Do Not Translate, Do not repost, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Insecurity, Praise Kink, SKz Smut, Stray Kids Smut, Swearing, stray kids x reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:35:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28914705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jl_micasea/pseuds/jl_micasea
Summary: Everyone needs assurance. Love and security, affirmations of beauty. And today, you need it more than ever.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	All of You

**Author's Note:**

> Repost from my old Tumblr account.  
> Written from a request but I sincerely loved writing this. Fair warning there are themes of body insecurity ahead, etc. Feedback is always appreciated through AO3 or through Tumblr. Please consider leaving kudos or a comment on this if you enjoyed it, they're all responded to and are what keeps me motivated. ~Mica  
> ~ [Tumblr](https://jl-micasea.tumblr.com/)  
> ~ [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/jlmicasea)

##### Huffing under your breath in utter frustration, you felt the familiar sting of tears collecting at the corners of your eyes as the third pair of jeans you’d bought absolutely refused to button up around your waist.

You’d been warned about the dangers of online shopping, that the sizes were rarely accurate and that the actual product never looked as good in real life as it did on the perfectly proportioned models in the photographs.

And you knew that was all it was. It was the retailer and their fucked up way of measuring women’s sizes.

But still, deep down in the pit of your stomach that had formed during this hopeless endeavour, you’d begun to blame yourself. Telling yourself that _you_ were the reason these jeans weren’t doing up.

You stood in front of the mirror, the extra flesh on your belly protruding over the waistband of the too-tight jeans. Wearing these was making you look ten times bigger than you actually were, but that familiar feeling of self loathing and disgust for your own body had already set in.

Shaking your head in defeat, you began to peel the jeans off your legs, settling yourself on the edge of the bed as you yanked them from your feet.

You hadn’t always had such a lack of self-confidence. No, that was something that had been bestowed upon you thanks to years of relentless name calling and body shaming during your wonderful high school years. There was only so many times you could ignore being called fat before you actually started to believe it. That was the beauty of the human mind. Quick to doubt, hard to heal.

Yet healing had been a gradual process, and you were much happier in yourself than you used to be. And that was in big part, thanks to your boyfriend.

The miracle of a man who’d walked into your life during college, and for some reason, had decided to stick around.

He’d showered you with unconditional love, restoring your faith in humanity, and at the same time, restoring your love for yourself piece by piece. In truth, you thought you were already there. But this experience, coupled with your tentative avoidance of all the mirrors in the apartment, had proved that you weren’t quite. Not yet.

You folded up all the jeans, shoving them back into the ripped delivery bag they’d arrived in as you fumbled for the returns label somewhere inside.

Just as you were about to put your joggers back on, you heard the slamming of the front door resound through the apartment.

“I’m home!”

The sound of Chan’s voice echoed to the bedroom, and for a reason you couldn’t quite identify, your heart sank. Maybe it was just because you weren’t feeling great anyway, but the idea of talking to him right now didn’t fill you with the joy it normally did.

Footsteps thudded across the wooden floor of the hallway, and your boyfriend’s beautifully bright face appeared from around the bedroom door. You instinctively pulled the oversized shirt you were wearing down over your modesty, covering yourself as much as you could.

“Hey. Didn’t you hear me?” He asked, his chocolate coloured tresses stuck to his forehead as he appeared to be sweating.

“Where have you been?”

He shot you an annoyed glance at your distinct lack of a welcome, shrugging his rucksack off his back as he walked into the room.

“To work out. Changbin and I are gonna start going together, he’s got this sick routine planned out, it’s really good for-”

“Great.”

You cut him off before he could finish, leaving the room without affording him a second glance.

As if you didn’t feel bad enough, your stunningly sculpted, borderline Adonis of a boyfriend, was now going to the gym. You almost felt like it was some form of punishment that had been wrought on you for not doing something yourself. But you just couldn’t face it.

The mere thought of going to a gym, a _public_ gym, made your skin crawl. All those eyes and judgemental stares, the constant nagging at the back of your head that would harp at you, saying that everyone here was looking at _you_ , wondering what the hell you were doing there. You’d solidified it in your head that gyms were built for people who were already beautiful, because they were simply the most unwelcome places you knew of.

Your stomach now heavy with despair, you wandered into the kitchen.

“Uh, is everything okay? Are _you_ okay?”

Chan followed you inside, concern laced clear across his voice as he picked up on your sour mood.

You weren’t okay. But what could you say? You were sure your reasoning would come off as nothing but petty to him.

“I’m fine.”

He cocked his head, leaning over the breakfast bar as he gave you that look that told you he knew you were lying. He’d been around you long enough to read you like a book.

Grabbing a glass from the cupboard, you ran it under the cold water from the sink as you did everything you could to avoid looking straight at him.

“Has something happened?” He asked, his tone more serious than when he last spoke.

You gulped down the water, feeling a minor wash of relief as the liquid flooded down your dry throat. But it did nothing to ease the lump that had developed.

“No. Nothing happened.” You replied, keeping your back to him.

More gentle footsteps crossed the laminate of the floor, and you felt warm arms encircle your waist. His warmth radiated over your back, offering a semblance of comfort. And normally, you would have relished in that. But right now, you didn’t want it.

Someone like you didn’t deserve the beautiful love he offered.

You shrugged off his arms, stepping out of his embrace and pushing past him without saying a word.

“Y/N, seriously, what’s going on?” Chan called after you, following you back into the bedroom.

“Nothing, Chan! Jesus! Could you just leave me alone for a bit?!”

Your words came out as a harsh snap, and for just a moment, it caught Chan by surprise. You knew this wasn’t the solution to this problem, taking your frustrations out on him like this. And you knew it wasn’t justified. So you added guilt to the long, sad list of emotions you were battling with.

Chan jogged to catch up with you, taking hold of your wrist just as you got through the bedroom door. He spun you around to face him in one swift movement, blocking any path of exit you could take to get away from him.

“Why would I leave you alone when something is quite clearly wrong?”

You avoided his gaze, yanking your arm out of his grip. But you didn’t move away. You simply stood in front of him, watering eyes fixed to his broad chest.

Being careful not to be too smothering, his hands found your shoulders. He held you in place gently, the hard lump in your throat solidifying at his touch.

“Talk to me. What’s going on that pretty little head?”

You shut your eyes, shaking your head gently as a tear escaped and fell down your cheek.

Chan pulled you in, his strong arms embracing you whole, wrapping you in his wholesome security.

“Baby, please… Just tell me what’s wrong. Don’t cry…”

You sniffled quietly, curling your fingers into his shirt as his soft words soothed your heartache. You hated being like this.

“I… I just-”

The words caught on your tongue, unsure how to present themselves. You’d never been very vocal about your insecurities, always opting to keep them to yourself for fear that Chan might actually agree with you. Not that he ever would, but the chance was always there. What if he started to see you the way you saw yourself? He surely wouldn’t stick around.

“Just what…?” He purred, coaxing the confession out of you.

You sighed heavily, pushing against his chest so he held you at arms length.

“Why are you with me?” You eventually asked.

You’d never seen the expression that Chan had on his face right now. But something about it made sheer panic run through you, like you’d inadvertently done or said something to hurt someone, that you genuinely hadn’t intended.

He blinked for a moment, the question taking him utterly by surprise.

“Wh- why are you even asking me that?” He stammered.

“Because I don’t understand it, Chan.”

“Y/N, what is there to understand? I love you, that’s all there is to it.”

There it was. Love. Love that you didn’t deserve. How could you expect him to love you when you didn’t even love yourself?

“But why?”

Chan’s brow furrowed, releasing his grip on your shoulders as his arms fell to his side.

“Because I just do. Need me to write a list of reasons?”

You rolled your eyes, realising that he was missing the point. Because, in all fairness, you weren’t being straight with him. You couldn’t expect him to know how you were feeling right now, and it wasn’t fair to assume he should know. And you didn’t have it in you to tell him outright that you were simply feeling unworthy of him.

“Forget it, Chan. I just need to be alone for a bit.”

“Wait!” He exclaimed, jumping in front of you with hands outstretched before you shoved your way past him again.

“Are you…” He paused, as if finding the words. “Having second thoughts? About us?”

You gawped at him in disbelief, too dumbfounded by where his trail of thought had gone. Yet more guilt set in as you realised you’d made him question your relationship, and possibly himself through even asking that question.

“You’re kidding right?” You scoffed, wiping the tears from your face.

“Well then tell me what I can do to get you out of this funk, Y/N. I don’t understand-”

“I’m not good enough for you!” You yelled, interrupting him before he could finish.

Chan’s eyes narrowed, his expression morphing into one of confusion.

“I’m… just not good enough.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He stated, reaching out to hold you again. You instinctively took a step back, out of his reach.

“Just look at you! And look at me.” You sobbed, gesturing between the two of you like there was some obvious comparison to be made.

“We’re worlds apart.”

Panic laced among the confusion on his face as he dreaded the next words out of your mouth.

“Y/N, please stop, you’re being ridiculous-”

“I’m disgusting. Fat and gross. Someone like you should be with _someone like you_. Not me.”

An exasperated sound of disbelief emitted from him, and before you could even risk a look at him, you had the wind knocked out of you as strong arms embraced you once again.

“Stop this shit. Right now. I don’t know what happened today to hurt you like this, but I won’t hear another word of it.”

His tone was gentle, yet firm. And honestly, it wasn’t quite the reaction you expected.

He took small, careful steps with you in his arms, guiding you backwards until your legs hit the edge of the bed. Sitting you down, he sunk to his knees in front of you, only releasing you so he could take your hands in his.

“Listen to me baby,” he sighed, swiping away the tears that stained your cheeks. “You are the single most gorgeous woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

You kept your gaze fixed to his hands, not daring to look at him.

“If I have to tell you every day just how angelic you are, I will. If I have to tell you every hour, just how exquisite you are, I will. And if I have to tell you every goddamn second, just how bewitched I am with you… I fucking will.”

A gentle sob escaped your lips as his words made your heart swell with emotion. You could feel the sincerity in them, the real love behind them that was intended only to heal you.

“Look at me.”

Firm fingertips at your chin lifted your face to meet his gaze. His hazel flecked irises bore into you with utter adoration, and your heart skipped a beat.

“If you believe nothing else I ever tell you, please believe this. You are perfection to me.”

Chan closed the distance between you, his plump lips melding with yours in a tender kiss. Your lids slid shut, forcing remnant tears from them that disappeared into his hands on your cheeks as they fell.

He lowered you backwards, standing carefully and positioning himself above you as the kiss began to deepen. Throwing your arms around his shoulders, you laced your fingers into the still damp black tresses at the back of his clammy neck, losing yourself in his advances.

“I’ll show you just how much I adore every part of you…” He whispered, his breath hot against your lips.

Every nerve in your body stung to attention as he disappeared out of your vision, your eyes gliding closed as his fingertips found your calves. He traced a gentle path over your skin, each singular touch sending a wave of anticipation through your bones, and each of those touches followed by a small, soft kiss.

His lips travelled up your legs, his hands caressing the sides of your supple outer thighs with nothing but care.

“Every piece of you…” He purred, gently spreading your legs for his pleasure. “Belongs to me…”

A quiet sigh was forced through your lips as he pressed a tender kiss to your clothed heat. He hummed at the sweet sound, turning his attention back to your body.

Your hands gripped his in a motion of mild panic as he began to hitch the oversized shirt up across your stomach, the insecurity rearing its’ ugly head once again.

Chan looked up at you, his eyes glistening with understanding and love.

“Please don’t deny me, baby…”

Seeing the expression on his face and hearing the appeal in his words, you tentatively nodded, closing your eyes and lowering your head back as you resigned yourself to his hands.

You felt the subtle sensation of room temperature air caress your bare body as he rode your shirt up. Not a single section of your skin went unattended to as he smothered your navel and stomach with affectionate, tender kisses.

Despite yourself, every trace of self doubt and uncertainty was crumbling as he loved you. The way he made you feel so utterly womanly… it was a feeling like no other.

Bringing the shirt to your breasts, he carefully lifted it over your head, lowering you back down as you sat up to help him.

He bit on his lip at the sight of you, now all but naked save for your panties. Dipping his head to your chest, he laved a single swipe of his tongue through your cleavage, taking your nipple between his lips as he sucked gently. You groaned at the action, the pit in your stomach gradually being replaced with something far more lustful.

“You’re so- fucking- radiant-” His words sent a shiver down your spine, each pause between them being filled with yet another soft kiss or a gentle lap of his tongue across your skin.

Your cheeks flushed and breathing heavy, you watched him intently as he dipped his fingertips in to the band of your panties, dragging them off your legs in one careful movement.

He whipped off his own shirt, allowing you a glimpse of his perfectly toned, trim form. You wanted nothing more than to touch him, to express how fucking sorry you were for being standoffish with him.

But Chan had other ideas.

He returned to you after kicking off his sweats and boxers, the two of you now totally naked and flush to one another.

The absence of his clothes and the sensation of his skin on yours sent your body temperature to new heights as he closed the distance between your groins.

He brought his lips to your ear, tugging on the lobe as he rolled his solid length against your heat. The rigid slide of his member through your soft folds made you whine, the notable lack of control he had when you looked like this for him only made more apparent by the way he tensed above you at the sound.

“You’re the only one I ever want underneath me like this-” He breathed, giving you yet another delicious roll of his hips.

Your eyes fluttered at him helplessly, at the way he was making you feel so small under his frame. His breath hitched as his hand disappeared between you, taking hold of the base of his cock. You felt his broad head line up at your entrance, and you held your breathing, anticipating the fullness you so wantonly craved.

“I love you, Chan…” You whispered, your hands curving over his shoulders as he began to claim you as his own.

His eyes darkened, the veins in his neck protruding just enough to indicate his struggle to keep himself together as he eased himself inside you. Your lips parted in silent euphoria, every inch of his throbbing member making a home for itself in your hot, wet walls until he filled you to the hilt.

He stilled for a time, resting his forehead against yours, the two of you acclimating to the intensity of this moment before your senses were too far gone to bring back.

“I l- love you, baby girl. So _fucking_ much it hurts-”

His words were breathy, his tone raspy as he began to move inside you. Slow, careful movements of his hips that slid his length in and out of you in steady repetition.

You moaned uncontrollably, throwing your arms around his neck as he buried his head into the crook of yours. His soft, low grunts rang through your ears, setting a tightness to the coil in your core that you just couldn’t contain. He was everything… and he made you feel like _you_ were everything.

Hooking your legs around his hips, you pulled him in deeper, arching your back as the pressure he applied to your g-spot sent waves of heat through you. Chan groaned, taking the opportunity to slip his arm under your back and hold you tightly as he worked you.

His rhythm was gentle, yet firm enough to gather the sheets around you as he made love to you up the bed. The drumming of his heartbeat resounded against your chest, giving you a physical manifestation of his very real, pure love for you.

“Let me… cum inside you-” He whispered, his words staggering.

“D- do it. Please-” You replied, feeling closer to him than you ever had before.

He increased his pace at your words, adopting firmer, rougher snaps of his hips that pushed you into ecstasy. His free hand found the curve of your hips, his fingers digging into the flesh as he held you tightly, relishing in the way your body fitted him so well.

“ _Ahh_ , yes… Chan- Don’t stop… P- please give me your cum. F- fill me up-” You whined, your inhibitions well and truly defiled.

“ _Fuck_ -”

Chan growled at your desperate appeal, pushing himself up on his hands as he began to fuck you harder, the initial intimacy now descending into something more carnal. Wet slaps of skin on skin filled the room, the headboard of the bed bouncing gently against the wall as he moved, building more momentum with every thrust.

“Take it baby girl-”

He watched you with a deathly intensity as you clawed at his chest, spurring him into a brutal, fast orgasm that sent you over the edge.

He threw his head back, cursing into the air and shutting his eyes tight as you tightened around his cock with your high. His motions reduced to small, sharp ruts, he rode you through your bliss as began to release his own.

Filling you to the brim, you felt nothing but sheer content as his seed swept your walls, marking you as his. He trembled above you, releasing deep groans of pleasure, milking himself for every drop until the strength in his arms faded and he collapsed on top of you.

He remained inside you, nuzzling his head into your neck as he collected himself.

Tracing your fingers over his clammy back, you held him close, the two of you lightheaded and fuzzy in your shared euphoria.

“Y/N…?” He eventually whispered, breaking the perfect silence.

“Hm?”

“You know I’ll always love you, right?”

You smiled softly, the broken pieces of your heart gluing back together as his words healed your wounds.

“I know, baby. I’m sorry. I just… get scared sometimes. Scared that one day you’ll see me the way I see myself.” You replied, your tone quiet.

Chan lifted his head to look at you, that familiar expression of concern on his face as he rolled to his side and pulled you in to his arms, giving you the safety and security that only he could.

“Well…” He sighed, soothing your hair affectionately. “The next time you’re scared… or overthinking things, or feeling like you’re worth less than you are, just remember that I’m here. Find me, and I’ll give you a hundred reasons to love yourself again.”

A lump formed in your throat, your eyes stinging all over again at his soft reassurance.

He looked down at you, and for just a moment, you saw the way he saw you in his eyes. In his reflection, was the vision of a girl most beautiful. The only girl he’d ever love.

He kissed your forehead softly, leaving his lips against your skin as he purred.

“I love all of you, baby girl. Forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> ~ Feedback via [Tumblr](https://jl-micasea.tumblr.com/)  
> ~ Support via [Ko-Fi](https://ko-fi.com/jlmicasea)


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